Previous England captain Lewis Moody has announced he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet deal with the full ramifications of the muscle-deteriorating condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was a member of the World Cup champion 2003 side and won numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast 14 days after discovering he has the condition.
"There's an element of confronting what lies ahead and hesitating to really process that at the moment," he stated.
"It isn't that I am unaware of where it's progressing. We comprehend that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, conversing with his wife Annie, explains instead he feels "peaceful" as he focuses on his current welfare, his family and planning ahead for when the disease worsens.
"Perhaps that's shock or maybe I process things uniquely, and after I have the facts, it's simpler," he added.
Initial Indications
Moody discovered he had MND after detecting some reduced power in his upper arm while exercising in the gym.
After physical therapy was ineffective for the issue, a series of scans showed neural pathways in his central nervous system had been compromised by MND.
"You're presented with this medical finding of MND and we're rightly quite moved about it, but it's rather peculiar because I feel like everything is fine," he added.
"I don't experience unwell. I don't experience sick
"The signs I have are very minor. I have a bit of muscle deterioration in the hand and the upper arm.
"I continue to be capable of doing whatever I want. And hopefully that will continue for as long as is feasible."
Condition Advancement
MND can progress swiftly.
As per the non-profit MND Association, the illness kills a third of people within a 365 days and more than half within two years of diagnosis, as eating and inhalation become increasingly challenging.
Treatment can only slow worsening.
"It isn't ever me that I am upset for," stated an affected Moody.
"It's about the grief around having to tell my mum - as an single child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Personal Impact
Conversing from the residence with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he mentioned telling his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two brilliant boys and that was rather devastating," Moody stated.
"We sat on the settee in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog jumped over and began removing the tears off our faces, which was rather silly."
Moody said the priority was being in the present.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be very intensely focused on just accepting and enjoying each moment now," he stated.
"According to Annie, we've been truly blessed that the sole decision I made when I retired from playing was to devote as much time with the kids as possible. We won't recover those periods back."
Player Association
Top-level athletes are disproportionately affected by MND, with studies indicating the rate of the condition is up to sixfold elevated than in the general population.
It is believed that by restricting the oxygen available and causing damage to nerve cells, frequent, vigorous training can initiate the disease in those already vulnerable.
Sports Playing Days
Moody, who earned 71 England appearances and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in recognition of his courageous, relentless method to the game.
He competed through a stress fracture of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once caused a practice confrontation with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he left a tackle pad and started engaging in collisions.
After entering as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the rear of the line-out in the critical phase of play, creating a base for playmaker Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the match-winning drop kick.
Assistance Community
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who skippered England to that title, and a few other previous players about his condition, but the remaining individuals will be learning his news with the broader public.
"There shall be a period when we'll need to rely on their assistance but, at the moment, just having that kind of care and acknowledgment that people are available is all that matters," he said.
"The sport is such a great family.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even should it finished now, I've enjoyed all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you get to consider your passion your career, it's one of the greatest privileges.
"Achieving this for so extended a time with the teams that I did it with was a delight. And I understand they will desire to assist in any way they can and I look forward to having those conversations."
